A quick break from the travel guides...

Last week for Show and Tell, I was brainstorming ways to share about my trip without making my friends sit through a Power Point presentation or smile and nod while I laughed at my own rambling stories about late nights in Thailand or transportation mishaps in Cambodia.

I started journaling key takeaways, or things I learned. These were mostly very cliche (it's funny how solo traveling yields similar anecdotes or "life lessons" from most people I've talked to, yet they feel so incredibly personal when they're your own).

One of the things I wrote down without much thought was "I am brave."

Bravery to me has always been manifested in the forms of skydiving, bungee jumping, or serving in the military. I've never done any of those things and over the course of 27 years, have very few (read: zero) stories that would make anyone stop in their tracks from a second-hand adrenaline rush.

But as with most things, bravery is relative. I have some friends who look at my trip and reply with, "why'd you only do two months?" while others are aghast that I would even have the desire to travel by myself. What I've realized is it doesn't matter. For me, my trip was stepping out of my comfort zone. My trip made ME feel braver, more independent, and stronger than I've probably ever felt.

So for Show and Tell we talked about labels. Labels given to us long ago by our siblings (mine would certainly be 'bossy') that we can't quite shake. Labels we give to ourselves after a bad experience or an ended relationship. And not to be preachy, but these labels are constantly changing, and it's so important to acknowledge that. To stay in tune with who we are today without saying "I can't" or "I'm not like that" before actually considering the idea or proposal.

After journaling about this, I found a line in Go Set a Watchman (so disappointing, but more on that some other day) that resonated with this idea. Scout's Uncle Jack tells her, "'Remember this also: it's always easy to see what we were, yesterday, ten years ago. It is hard to see what we are. If you can master that trick, you'll get along.'"

So maybe ten years ago I was bossy and right now I'm brave. It's exciting to think about what I can be next.

Northern Thailand: Pai

Ohhh, Pai. One of my happy places. San Francisco feels gloomy and stressful today so I'm mentally transporting myself to Art in Chai, where I spent countless (literally. The lady definitely thought I was a degenerate) hours reading, FaceTiming, and journaling while sipping delicious Chai lattes.

It's fair to say that I might be a bit biased towards Pai because this is the town where I met my best friends while traveling. I was randomly assigned to a four-person dorm at Common Grounds, and two of my three roommates were Jess and John, a Canadian couple with whom I would later travel most of Vietnam. We later met Saawan, an American who also became part of the Vietnam travel crew.

It's easy to make friends in Pai because there's not a ton to do there. If you dream of a relaxing vacation, choose Pai over any of the beaches of Southern Thailand. Common Grounds is a hippie paradise with hammocks and floor cushions covering the outdoor common area. It's a block away from the night market, which was one of the least aggressive in terms of locals vying for your attention. The night market goods were also generally craftier, more unique, and less cheap-y than some of the other cities. If there's room in your bag, I would recommend buying your souvenirs in Pai over any other city in Southeast Asia. (Bold statement alert.)

Pai is where travelers go to nurse motorcycle wounds and hangovers by chatting for hours in the pools of a waterfall, playing guitar at a hostel, and drinking casually in hammocks while listening to live music. I honestly feel so much calmer just thinking about being there.

Northern Thailand: Chiang Mai

While Southern Thailand can be somewhat polarizing (people either love the beaches and parties or feel scammed by the locals and overwhelmed by the crowds), most people I met while traveling fell in love with Northern Thailand. I didn't really have expectations for Chiang Mai or Pai (again, having no expectations is key) and I fell in love with both cities.

First of all, buy this map of Chiang Mai. My friend Naseem and I bought it on our first morning and discovered everything from tiny used bookstores to a lavish afternoon tea party at a swanky resort. We stayed at Hug Hostel, which I would highly recommend. It's that incredibly rare combination of clean and social, with a big, comfortable rec room for reading and lounging, and a bar downstairs with ping pong and unbeatable happy hour. The food in Chiang Mai is incredible -- I ate almost exclusively from street carts and never had a bad meal. We splurged on Western breakfast one morning here and believe it or not, the Eggs Benedict was just like at home.


In terms of activities in Chiang Mai, we rented a motorbike and drove out of town along the Mae Sa Loop (pro tip: the "waterfall" stop is not worth it at all) which was beautiful and so, so relaxing. There isn't one "must see," but it's pretty unique to drive along a road where you frequently see elephant crossing signs.

So that brings me to....elephants. Animal tourism is a hot topic of conversation in hostels in Thailand. The overwhelming response by people who have done their research is that tigers are never okay. So next time you see the notorious Tinder profile picture of the dude with the tiger...swipe left. The tigers are always heavily drugged...I mean seriously, they're TIGERS. They don't want to cuddle with humans.

Elephant tourism elicits mixed reactions. I did quite a bit of research and found an elephant farm, and while there I felt very comfortable and happy with my decision. We fed and bathed the elephants, learned about their care, and briefly rode them bare-backed without the basket that leaves cuts in the animals' backs. Another thing to look for when seeking a humane option is whether or not the animals perform. There were no elephants playing soccer for our entertainment at Patara. This day-long experience was a big splurge (I paid about $200), but when food and lodging are costing you $15/day and you can feel comfortable about the animal treatment, it's well worth the cost.

As with most activities you sign up for through hostels (and this was my experience everywhere), the company picks you up and drops you off at your hostel. On the way back from the elephant farm, our guide/driver/elephant trainer extraordinaire asked me if I wanted to go see some Chiang Mai soccer at the local stadium. My knee-jerk reaction was "no" but I quickly realized that opportunities like this are kind of the point of traveling.

I grabbed a friend from the hostel, met our new friend at the stadium, and enjoyed $3 tickets, $1 beers,  a rowdy Thai crowd, and a Chiang Mai victory. I'm happy this experience happened early on because it set the tone for a lot of yes-saying...which resulted in a truly unforgettable adventure.

Southern Thailand: Koh Lanta and Koh Mook

Here's a secret about my trip to Southeast Asia: I didn't do any research. I bought a one-way ticket to Bangkok, had a close friend email me some recommendations, and assumed I would figure the rest out by talking to fellow travelers. Thankfully, I assumed correctly and there were very few (maybe one or two) times on the trip when I thought, "man, I really wish I had done more research." Great adventures can't be too planned, after all.

Jessica and I decided on Koh Lanta simply because it was only an hour away from Koh Phi Phi. We went to the dock, evaluated ferry times and prices, and bought tickets. Koh Lanta was wonderful. We stayed at the Peacock Hostel, which had a very hippie vibe with net hammocks jutting out over the water, beanbag chairs, and uneven wooden planks serving as a walkway between the entrance and the dorm rooms. We paid $1 extra for the 4-bunk room with air conditioning, which was obviously worth it compared to the 12 bunk, no AC alternative. So much of traveling in this way is dependent on who you meet, but the hostel encouraged such a welcoming, friendly environment and we quickly found ourselves jumping on the back of new friends' motorbikes, planning beach trips, grabbing dinner together, and singing "Wagon Wheel" in a circle on the dock (like I mentioned, hippie vibes).

Long Beach was beautiful, and the owners of our hostel organized a nightly trip to the beach for the sunset. We all gathered in a rickety pickup truck, drove 10 minutes to the beach, and drank $1 Chang beers while sharing travel stories with people from all over the world. These were my absolute favorite moments of traveling.

Jessica left me after Koh Lanta, and I decided (based on a new friend's recommendation) to head to Koh Mook, where I met another friend from San Francisco.

Peacock Hostel vibes

Massages at Long Beach

Koh Mook

So Koh Mook was a splurge -- we stayed at the gorgeous Sivalai Beach Resort in the fanciest bungalow you ever did see. It was amazing. We were just steps from the ocean and there were so few other tourists around. This is also the only island I've ever been on where you actually feel like you're on an island, not just the beach. The resort's restaurant was surrounded by water on three sides and it really just felt like we were on a speck in the middle of the ocean.

Emerald Cave is Koh Mook's main tourist attraction. Beware: we went at around 11:00am and the surrounding cove was bouncing with boats from Koh Lanta, their passengers floating in bright orange life vests attached to one another on a rope while the guide pulled them through the cave.....

Naseem and I literally swam under them but it was honestly disturbing and hilarious. We ended up going back at 8:00am the next morning and we had the cave to ourselves, but it was low tide on the beach so we missed the emerald water. (I'd still recommend doing it this way to beat the insane crowds.)

One of my favorite encounters with a local happened on Koh Mook. We were renting a motorbike and I asked for helmets and the lady (who also ran a convenient store, advertised laundry services, and sold gas, because in Thailand everyone seems to do everything...) looked at me with such confusion and simply said, "but it's an island..." The end of the story is that we didn't get helmets.

That (dangerously) became the go-to line for the trip (even though I was technically only on one more island after Koh Mook) whenever it was decision time and one option was risky or something I normally wouldn't do at home.

Southern Thailand: Koh Phi Phi

As I mentioned last week, I want to detail my trip to Southeast Asia in a series of posts that will hopefully break it down into digestible chunks by city, region or country, should you ever find yourself planning a similar trip.

My friend Jessica and I arrived in Bangkok, spent 12 hours there, and flew out the same night to Phuket. (Since we didn't spend a significant amount of time in either city, I won't write about them -- mainly because if I ever saw someone write a post on San Francisco and he/she had spent only 12 hours there, I'd freak out 'cause I'm pretty sure you couldn't do the city justice in half a day.)

Koh Phi Phi by day 

Beautiful, peaceful sunset preceding a night of vodka buckets

"The strip"

On our second day in Thailand, we took a two-hour ferry ride from Phuket to Koh Phi Phi island. Koh Phi Phi is...an experience. Apparently it used to be a very tranquil vacation destination before the 2004 tsunami, but it's now a complete tourist trap with hostels and bars catering to twenty-somethings looking to drink vodka out of buckets and get laid on the beach (as evidenced by the fact that the beach was littered with booze bottles and condoms each morning). While Koh Phi Phi might have been my vision of heaven as a 19 year old, it was a little much for my ripe old age of 27. We stayed in on our second night after a very aggressive first night on the island, and could hear (and feel...literally) the EDM music blaring until the wee hours. The main party strip is on Tonsai Bay, and if you do choose to stay there, I would recommend staying at The Beacha Club*. Our hostel was just next door but it was disgusting, and I looked longingly into the windows of the clean, bright rooms of The Beacha Club as I walked past each day.

*For most of my travels in Southeast Asia, I booked hostels very last minute with no issues. Koh Phi Phi is small and popular, so it is worth planning ahead (5-7 days should be sufficient) to ensure that you don't end up in a grimy hostel. 

The saving grace of Koh Phi Phi was monkey island. Jessica and I woke up early (you can do this when you're the only people on the island who aren't hungover) and rented a kayak on the beach to head to monkey island. The beach on Tonsai Bay is pretty grimy (remember the aforementioned beer bottles and condoms?) and I was disappointed that we had yet to see the lush, white sand and clear, blue water I was envisioning thanks to Google images of Thailand. We found that beach paradise at monkey island and were so, so happy to swim around by ourselves without fear of swimming with garbage. We didn't see any monkeys until a guide arrived with a German couple. He knew how to call for the monkeys and almost instantaneously there were at least a dozen of them scampering and swinging across the beach. I LOVED this (although they got scarily close to my GoPro) but Jessica was far less excited by our new furry friends so we left soon thereafter. 

Sadly, I did not eat a single meal on Koh Phi Phi that I would recommend. For the most part, food is overpriced and caters to a Western palate (e.g. Pad Thai with tomato sauce...?). This will not be the pinnacle of your cultural experience in Thailand, but you will certainly leave with a story or two. I'll refrain from telling mine here, since my mom reads this :). 

Love is Love

Oh, what a happy day here in San Francisco (and across the U.S.! And apparently in Canada, too!)!

My heart feels so happy and full for my LGBT friends today. As a country we're very late to the party, but I'm still so proud of America. It's been interesting to watch the evolution of feelings towards marriage equality -- in high school "so gay" was a derogatory term used freely and excessively, whereas now it's completely taboo to refer to anything as gay that isn't, well, gay.

In my personal life, it was incredibly cool to watch my parents befriend a young gay couple in Salt Lake City. Not that they were homophobic, but I can't say I ever really expected to dance with my parents to "Summer Lovin'" at an HRC gala with a bunch of men wearing lip gloss.

I'll be celebrating tomorrow by (naturally) going to the brand new SoulCycle Castro studio with my gay BFF. And in the meantime here are some of my favorite posts (because my newsfeed has been vomiting rainbows and I love it) to commemorate this momentous and long-awaited day:

1. Palm to face (Not touching but too funny not to include.)
2. The Onion had a field day with this one.
3. How We Changed Our Thinking on Gay Marriage. I especially like the clip from the Baptist pastor.
4. TedTalks on Love. I haven't actually watched these yet but I love LZ Granderson from reading his blog posts on CNN, so I imagine this'll be good...
5. So much love!

Have a wonderful weekend celebrating equality :)

An unexpected adventure

When I write, I try really hard to avoid cliches...or over-quoting...or inspirational quotes entirely (that's a lie; I LOVE inspirational quotes - guilty pleasure?) but the impetus for my two months in Southeast Asia really can best be summarized by a Rolling Stones song.

You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes...you get what you need...

I know, I know. But really.

A few weeks into my last job, I remember having a very bittersweet moment in which I realized how much I was loving everything about my new role. I see myself staying here for years! This is what I've been waiting for! My career path makes sense now! These thoughts were almost immediately followed by a dark cloud in which I realized that if I were to stay at my company for years, I would forego the opportunity to take a few months to travel in my twenties, which had been in the back of my mind since college.

As life tends to go, I jumped the gun with these thoughts, and a few months and a horrible boss later (let's talk sometime about that Madeline Albright quote, "There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women", k?),  I found myself in an unexpected position with both time and money.

Without much thought or planning, I booked a oneway ticket to Bangkok, and somehow convinced one of my best friends to join me for the first week.

The thing about unexpected adventures is that you have very little time to set expectations. I felt my heart stop momentarily as I gazed out at the sheer beauty of Nong Khiaw, Laos - a village completely unknown to me before I hopped a bus randomly because I had a few days to kill before a flight. I fought with a Canadian who decided -- in Hanoi -- to get a tattoo of American planes dropping bombs on Vietnam, because he "hated the country." I felt genuine pangs of sadness as I hugged Jess, John, and Saawan goodbye -- three people with whom I rappelled down waterfalls in Vietnam, ate green curry in Thailand, and whose advice and friendship I came to rely on as I was thousands of miles and a 12-hour time change away from my friends and family in the U.S. I didn't have time to plan for any of these emotions or experiences, and that made my reactions to them so much more authentic.

I felt deeply and without distraction, and I focused. I focused on who I was with, what I was doing, what I was seeing, thinking, and feeling. Sometimes it wasn't fun or magical or beautiful, but it was all meaningful. Even the less than ideal moments culminated in an overall experience that, though I didn't seek it out, turned out to be something that maybe I needed.

I'm so happy that since I've returned, several people have reached out to me asking about my itinerary. I would love to share more about my trip, and I'll be doing so over several posts on the blog.