Unemployment, Day 26

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had quit my sales job, and that I would go more into detail later. So far, the absolute best part about quitting my job (even better than the ability to grocery shop mid-day with no crowd) has to do with identity. A small piece of my soul died every time, over the past year and a half, someone asked me what I did. Right out of college I taught English, and I was proud to tell people, and it almost always led to an interesting conversation in which I learned something of the other person's educational past. Saying I was in sales was a dead end. No one seemed impressed, and interest was feigned and polite. I write! I ran a marathon once! I've been camping in the Sahara Desert and hiked the Inca Trail! I constantly wanted and felt the need to validate the pursuits and activities I identified with outside of work.

For the first few days of my unemployment, I shuddered at the thought of anyone asking me a job-related question. "Taking some time off to maybe go to grad school and no I don't really have any idea what I want to do with that degree yet"? I joked with my mom about this answer while dreading an impending high school tailgate where the "what do you do?" question would be unavoidable. She questioned my motive, and asked me why I felt the need to explain myself to these people, or to anyone. I am so happy to be out of sales, and so happy that I get to spend my days reading, writing, studying, and enjoying San Francisco. And happy is what we're all going for, right?

I've always been one of those people who feels the need to answer questions fully and honestly, and my mom's advice caused complete reevaluation of that tactic. It's fine to answer with a smile, "I'm taking some time to figure it out." It's unnecessary to get into details, and what I've found since employing this answer is, no one really cares -- and that is more than okay.

In starting to feel less self conscious about how I would answer what I'm doing to other people, I was able to remember (with confidence) why I pursued this time off in the first place. I wasn't happy in my career path and I'm doing something about it. I don't have the answers yet, but in avoiding other people's voices constantly playing in my head, I'm able to think about the questions more clearly.