An investment in who I might want to be next

Cheesy, pensive photo for "who am I" blog post

“Forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. … Do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next.” 

I was surprised to find this quote flagged in my copy of Meg Jay's The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now. After reading the book, I was paranoid. I can answer your "why" with another quote from the book:

"Our 20s are the defining decade of adulthood. 80% of life's most defining moments take place by about age 35. 2/3 of lifetime wage growth happens during the first ten years of a career."

....Ahhhh....

I convinced myself that in order to not be completely f*#@ed (read: poor, bored and alone) by age 30, I needed to stay in my current sales job because it was "steady." The thing is, I hated sales even before I even started...I just knew I needed to get out of teaching high school in New Orleans. I convinced myself it wasn't for me and that it was temporary, I just needed to pay the bills. And yet I've stayed for a year and a half, probably because of a crazy idea, which I thought was affirmed by The Defining Decade, that I could figure out life in my spare time, while maintaining a sturdy job that looks good on paper.

The problem has been that it's actually really hard to figure out life "in my spare time." I come home from a full day at work and I'm tired, or I have plans, or I simply can't sit in front of a computer screen any longer. 

I looked back through The Defining Decade because I've been reflecting a lot lately on what I thought I learned from the book, and because I wanted to reread all the reasons why my sales job is important and necessary -- essentially for a pep talk reminding me of the necessity of my misery. What I found instead (ok, aside from the second quote I listed, which is scary...and some fertility statistics -- even more alarming) was a optimistic push from the pragmatic author -- a push to add value to who I am, which I know I can't do in my current job. I am not a salesperson, and it's not adding value to who I am to pretend to be for much longer.

So I've decided to make an investment. I've decided to give myself a few more months in sales to save a cushion which I will use to buy myself time. I want to buy time to study, to write, to read, to do Yoga, to hike, and to talk with my friends, family, and boyfriend about things other than how much I hate my job (as fascinating and fun as that topic of conversation makes me seem). More details to come, but I've made a decision to change my quarter-life "crisis" into an opportunity to reflect on how the experiences I've had have shaped me, and on the capital I have to gain in order to become who I want to be.